Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she peed on how many people?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
