Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
