ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
