your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
