in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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