I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
