I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize