Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
