Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
