Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
