Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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