Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
