Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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