I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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