Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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