pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize