Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
