Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I understand Curling. That high.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
