I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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