your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize