I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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