Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
