What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
