I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
