My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Small penises have feelings too.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
His nipple licking is glorious
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
