I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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