Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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