either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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