I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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