was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
