i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
