if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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