we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
