I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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