Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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