I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
