New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
