Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
