You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
