he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
