i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
