i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
