Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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