the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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