Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
