Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
