I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
