Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
