I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
