I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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