barbara walters just said penis...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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