I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
