My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
