Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
