i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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