I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
