AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
