You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
