Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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