his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize