"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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