are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
me + whiskey = a bad person
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
