So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
