Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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