If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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