there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
