Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
