tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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