I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
