You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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