Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
