You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
