i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need a beard to bite.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
