My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
