Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
