and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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